I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
