We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
