Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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