I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
