Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think my vagina is haunted
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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