Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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