Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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