its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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