Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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