I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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