How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am one with the molecules
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
