May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it glows. i had to have it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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