end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its not stalking. its research.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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