Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude. I can hear the air.
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