So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
