Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
