Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
