she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize