Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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