I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
