i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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