Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
