you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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