ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
4 words: hood of his car
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
