Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
