We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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