this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
