You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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