can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please come you make the beer taste better
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
