Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
