Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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