can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
