We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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