i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
