You just made me feel so damn special
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
