Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
