So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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