I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
