Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
