I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
