I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
