i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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