She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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