It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
