So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
