Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
