our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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