I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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