Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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