An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
