the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So much rum. So many feels.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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