YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
