When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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