My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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