And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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