Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
