My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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