and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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