she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
