You really coming over, don't trick.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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