Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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