dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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