so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
