Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
