apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
